When We Don't talk
by devinsnama
Summary: After Paraguay Macs finds herself alone, with only a photo album and a song on the radio for company


TITLE-When We Don't Talk AUTHOR-devinsnama mysweets530@hotmail.com  
  
RATING-G SPOILERS-any episode with Harm and Mac is fair game DISCLAIMERS-I don't own them. I'm Just borrowing them for a little entertainment. They belong to DPB. I will return them when I'm done playing with them. Story inspired by Ilse de Lange with the title song. SUMMARY-After Paraguay Macs finds herself alone, with only a photo album and a song on the radio for company. NOTE-Written February 1-2, 2004. Also, a huge thanks to Barb for beta- reading this, you help give my words meaning. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++  
  
MAC'S APARTMENT GEORGETOWN, VIRGINIA  
  
It was another Saturday night, Mac again was alone in her apartment with nothing to do, nothing to keep her company but her thoughts, and some music softly playing on the radio. The loneliness seemed to start to overcome when she, almost without thinking, reached for their photo album. The album was one of two identical ones that Harm had made just for each of them.  
  
Silence that's fallen between us, Is the loneliest sound I've heard. How can we find forgiveness, We can't find the words.  
  
'From the moment I met Harm', thought Mac, 'my life has never been the same. I knew from the start that he would be a part of my life, forever.'  
  
'We met in a rose garden, its beauty paled in comparison to the blue-green of his eyes, and his glowing smile. And then our hands touched and I knew for sure, Harmon Rabb, this tall handsome stranger, was to become an important part of me.'  
  
'There were times on an investigation, that I thought that my life was at an end, only to have it saved by this man. He seemed surreal. Almost able to ride up on his white horse and save the day, just like a super hero. I guess, in a very special way he was, He was my super hero. There were times that I saved his life as well, only bringing us closer together, and tighten this strange bond between us.'  
  
When we don't talk, When we don't speak. When we don't share our feelings, that are buried so deep, How can we what's hidden behind these walls.  
  
'We always knew we could count on each other, we even knew what the other was saying, even without words. Many times the words that needed to be said were never spoken, Too many times those chances were lost.' As Mac turned the pages of the album, it seemed she was turning the pages in her heart as slowly the memories inundated her.  
  
As Mac studied at the photos, each scene played out in her mind. Photos of Harm standing with his biplane, and his arm platonically resting across her shoulders tugged at her heartstrings. 'That was the first time I flew with him,' she thought. 'I should have known then, we were in for a bumpy ride. There were photos taken at the Embassy Ball, where she recalled his strong arms around her as they danced. The memory of the warmth his hold produced, strengthened her idea that he had not thought of her as his sister after all.  
  
A photo of Harm holding the baby that he help deliver, at the time the hospital had been held by terrorists, brought a smile to her face, and a tear to her eye. How proud she was of Harm that day. Having injured himself while pushing her out of danger, saved a hospital full of people, and helped bring a new life into the world. All in a day's work for the man she was proud to call her partner.  
  
Turning to the next page, Mac found the photo of the two of them, taken after her return to JAG. Recalling how much she wanted the life Dalton offered her then, she had found she only belonged at Jag, and in her own special way, she belonged to Harm as well.  
  
The next picture was one of Harm and her at the wedding of Bud and Harriet as they were dancing. A warm safe feeling surrounded her as he held her close and she wished she could experience that intimacy once more. After their recent events in Paraguay, she wondered if she would ever feel that safe again.  
  
When the doors lock, When we lose touch. When you and I lose sight of hope, The honesty's lost.  
  
And the tears say it all, We don't talk.  
  
The next page held the photo of her holding Baby AJ, and Harm was sitting beside her with one arm draped around her shoulders. Their promise rang in her ears just as if an audio tape had been recorded at the time they spoke those fateful words to each other and was now playing back. Her biological clock increased to a deafening sound which each second ticking with longing. Not only for a child, but for "his" child. She thought about how many nights she lay in bed, dreaming of Harm lying next to her, and how it would feel to finally lose herself in his warm, gentle touch.  
  
Photo after photo, she remembered their times together, some happy, and some were not. One of which was taken of the two partners before he left JAG, to go back to flying. Tears sprang to her eyes as she remembered being left behind, alone, with just her desire to keep her warm at night. Six months after that, Harm had returned to JAG, but not to her. She had moved on with her life, and taken a new partner, but he was no Harmon Rabb, nor would he ever be. As Mac turned the page, her memories brought her back to Sydney. This was a time in her life, she wished she could forget. The pain in her heart was an image on paper, forever captured in front of the Australian Courthouse; the two of them standing there pretending to be happy after his denial on that ferry ride. He "couldn't let go," he had said, and so she proceeded to make one of the biggest mistakes of her life.  
  
In the next picture of them both, the sparkle seemed to be gone from their eyes. The Surface Warfare Ball, had nailed the coffin shut on what relationship they ever held and she remembered that she had used Mic to punish Harm for rejecting her in Australia. So deep that pain went.  
  
So much goes unspoken, Sorry is left unsaid. The silence remains unbroken, And our hearts are breaking instead.  
  
Flipping another page, Mac take a deep breath as the image of her engagement party flooded her memories. There they stood together again, Harm looking particularly handsome that evening with a hint of love in his eyes. She recalled the intense conversation they had as if it were yesterday. "You'll always have someone who loves you," his words echoed in her memory. "And you have someone that loves you," was her answer. 'How could things get so messed up?" she wondered.  
  
Arriving at her Christmas gift made by Harm, a photograph of the two of them in Afghanistan, standing side by side, both smiling and happy to be together. This one looked like they finally got it right, in both their friendship and partnership.  
  
The blank next page reflected the blackness in her heart. It seemed as though their time together had just came to an end, an end without notice. Mac's memory then took her back to the beginning of the end, in their relationship.  
  
It started after the murder charges of Loren singer had been dropped when Harm had been released from prison. She had gone with Clayton Webb for a secret mission in Paraguay and stopped by Harm's totell him she was going to be away.  
  
When we don't talk, When we don't speak. When we don't share our feelings, That are buried so deep. How can we know what's behind these walls.  
  
Recalling how things had gone terribly wrong on their mission, and how she and Clay faced certain death, her thoughts wandered back to go back to the man she wanted most in the world, and how so very far away from him she was.  
  
His entry through that door at just the right time, releasing her before she was tortured by Sadik's men, made its way back to her thoughts. Once again, Harm had saved her life, but she had been unaware of just how much he had given up to rescue her this time.  
  
The chill of the darkened room could not cool the image of when Harm had entered her bath. His eyes had been transfixed while she bathed, watching her every move and every drop of water cascade down her body. It brought a small smile to her saddened face as his admission, "I forgot how beautiful you are," continued to sting. Later, they had lain beside one another, close to the intimacy she had waited for that would lead to a kiss. A kiss never shared as Webb had barged through the door at just the wrong time.  
  
The sad memory of learning Harm was there UA, and how that evening, they had said some of the worst things they had ever said to each other. Now all she wanted to do was take back all the pain she had inflicted on him.  
  
When the doors lock, When we lose touch. When you and I lose sight of trust, And the tears say it all. We don't talk.  
  
As if the words of that horrible night weren't bad enough, the memories of the following day were even worse. Mac had seen the hurt in his eyes as she told Harm that "there could never be an us." How stupid it must have sounded to him, after everything they had meant to each other, and done for each other over the years. It had come down to those six horrible words.  
  
The day he was sent away from JAG burned a hole in Mac's consciousness as she relived how powerless she had felt trying to save Harm's career. The anguish she experienced overhearing Harm's visit with Clayton in the hospital that led to Harm joining the CIA invaded her thoughts.  
  
With tears welling, Mac felt totally alone. Six months had passed since she had heard from Harm. Although she had left seventeen messages for him, he never returned her calls. She had stopped by his apartment several times in the past months, but he was never home. Feeling she was totally excluded from his life was becoming too much for Mac to handle. She knew she had to do something, but she had no idea of what it was that would help.  
  
The honesty's lost, And the tears say it all. We don't talk.  
  
Music from her radio seemed to echo in her ears, as it sang her a lonely song, bring a torrent of tears. She cried for the lost chances, the words left unspoken, and their broken trust. Mac knew she had to find Harm, and make him understand.  
  
Mac wiped her wet face, she took a deep breath, and picked up the phone. Then, saying a silent prayer that he would answer, she dialed his number.  
  
Fear almost got the better of her when she heard his answering machine pick up. Her nerve lost, she almost hung up when she heard his soft, caring voice say, "Hi Mac. How are you?"  
  
"I'm better now that I know you're all right," her gentle reply told him. "Harm I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to say that . . . That" . . .  
  
"I'm sorry," they said in unison.  
  
"Harm, can I come over? We need to talk. Wouldn't you agree?" Mac pleaded.  
  
"Sure Mac, come on over, I'll be waiting," Harm answered with anticipation.  
  
That night turned into morning, with two people who thought they had lost everything, finally recovering the friendship, trust, partnership, and the love they had thought was lost forever. Each promising to never stop communicating their feelings, but more important, they promised never to stop listening.  
  
The end 


End file.
